babies were throwing up all over the place
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
