Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
