If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
