bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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