I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
