I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
