It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
