what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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