I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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