Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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