he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
