So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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