I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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