So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
