I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
