she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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