i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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