have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
