Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
