have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
