guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
