But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize