Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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