How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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