What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
