But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
