TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
