He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
