i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
