Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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