Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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