i think my mom watched the whole time
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
