Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize