somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize