Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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