if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
