omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize