You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
