I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
