they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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