and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
