I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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