I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
only you would photoshop your dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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