My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
