I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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