I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
