i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
