I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
