now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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