I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
