I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
