Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
