well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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