come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
