clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Swine flu is the new snow day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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