saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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