so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
