Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
