M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
