Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
