I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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