I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
