that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
