Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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