I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize