Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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