people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
even my farts smell like vagina
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
