don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
do nipples grow back?
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