Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
