also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
