I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
