I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
