i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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