Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
