I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
