What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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