3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
