the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am naked and annoyed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
